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Co-Creating

by Christy Bauman

Long after the dust has been harrowed, 

when the fire embers have turned from molten orange to coal-like black,

and the ashes cooled, and we have buried the losses. 

The water has been poured on the freshly packed earth, 

And winter has passed, 

And spring has come.

For finally there is a new bud of growth, 

After all of this time,

Emerged.

And it is cloaked in the golden sunlight. 

So we mark our faces alike, 

With dirt, ash, water, and now gold. 

Telling our Creator, we submit to the cycle of co-creating.

 

 

 

 

#1 – How Do We Mark Each Other?

Every relationship has a style of relating. 

Every friendship. 

Every dating relationship. 

Every partnership. 

These relationships may be co-created – goodness, animosity, stress, glory, children, pets, family, empires, organizations, style, movies, books, churches, ministries, etc. 

When we choose a person to co-create with, we have a style of co-creating: laid back, intense, breath-taking, simple, reliable, chaotic, etc. 

This series came from a desire to show people our work with marriages. 

My husband and I spend every week sitting with couples who are courageously looking at the health of their relationship. Every couple creates a new soul when they begin a relationship. We often begin by asking what the age of the couple’s marriage is. Then these couples are asked to name their relationship soul’s age and health. For example, my husband and I have been married for 13 years, and we do some inventory on the health of our married soul.

We ask our clients the same questions, and sometimes it is heartbreaking when a wife sees their marriage soul as a corpse in the closet and a husband sees their marriage soul as having a broken arm. What do we do then?

Every life has a cycle, and within the life/death/life cycle of a marriage, something will always die – it may be the death of hope that your spouse would remember your anniversary or the death of a dream to buy a home, maybe it is the death of a physical impediment that changes your relationship. There could be all kinds of loss which we would consider small deaths that need to be marked.

We believe that when we mark the more minor deaths in a relationship, we do not accrue the debris of resentment. When a couple marks the loss and the gains in their relationship, there can be health and growth.

We have seen couples year after year come and mark their marriage journey, sometimes, there is a lot to bury, and sometimes there is a lot to celebrate, but in either case, there is an honoring that takes place when we mark each other honestly. I have always wanted to capture these breathtaking moments on film with these different couples, but ethically, that is impossible. So I asked my partner to do a marking ritual with me and have it photographed to show couples what we do at our marriage intensives. We also invite you to do this in your relationships without us facilitating – we want to teach people how to mark themselves and their moments of loss and gain and to mark each other.

 

#2  Meaning-Making

Meaning-making has been the buzz of research for the last decade in the psychological world of academia. Brene Brown’s shame and vulnerability research have humans nodding their heads in agreement that intimacy is essential and hard to come by. 

For the individual addicted to their phone, spending numbing hours on TikTok, Instagram or Facebook, we are tech-society desperate or parenting kids who are screen dependent; this is a vast industry every adult is hungry to understand. 

Meaning-making is about setting an intention. We make meaning out of the event we are participating in. 

 

# 3  Dirt

 

Dirt is the substance in which things are buried, where things go to die, grow and be reborn.

The remnants of dirt are dust. When we mark our bodies with dust, we mark the places where we have been stained. 

Dirty hands and faces signify that we have been marked by hard work.

Dust-caked bodies have walked a long way, engaged in an element that must be harrowed to be loosened. 

# 4  Water 

The earth’s surface is made up of seventy-one percent water. Oceans, waterfalls, lakes, and rivers are all forms of water. Water cleanses, baptizes, and floods. When we allow ourselves to be marked by water, to let it wash over us. Water changes us. We submerge in water one way, and we emerge changed. 

Water allows us to wash off germs, dirt, stains, and the past. It was believed in baptism that we submerge someone underwater to signify the old life being buried. The mikvah bath is done as a ritual for cleansing. 

# 5  Fire / Ash 

Fire is refining. Fire is warming. Fire is an element that can sustain and destroy. We burn before we bury. The flickering flames entranced us into deep contemplation of our losses and gains. The crackling hearth is a place to gather and share, especially when the nights are cold and we need warmth. 

Fire is also the only element able to burn the sins of the past – it leaves us with ash to mark, bury, to remember it is over now.

 

# 6  Burying 

When something dies on our watch, we must bury it. The relationship cycle oscillates through a burying, waiting, and growing season. Most of us don’t want to be faithful to bury, and it is the sorrowful act that occurs after something has died. Burying is part of the natural cycle of season re-growth. We cannot harvest if we do not know first bury. 

 

# 7  Gold 

Gold marks glory. Historically, gold signifies royalty, gods, and goddesses. Gold illuminates the wars we are victorious in, the celebration that heaven has come. But gold never comes easily, and it illuminates honestly when mixed with the stains of a dirty, ashen soul who has found herself faithful to the very end. 

 

If you are interested in more information on marking your relationship – join us for

Co-Create 1-Day Couples Workshop Online

The 1-day online couples workshop on April 5th, 10-3pmEST for $99 per ticket (tickets available HERE) 

 

Eventbrite link: Purchase Tickets Here – One Day Online Event

Website link: christiancc.org 

Personal links: andrewjbauman.com and christybauman.com